A friend of mine lost her father recently, and at the service she said, “If I can teach my children half as much as my father taught me about what’s really important in life, I will have succeeded as a parent.”
Since Father’s Day a couple weeks ago, I’ve been thinking a great deal about my own dad and how he has affected my life and my role as a parent. And I can’t help but wonder, “What kind of parent am I? What kind of values have I learned from my dad and passed on to my own children? What am I – knowingly or unknowingly – teaching them?”
Have you ever stopped to wonder… what kind of role model are you? Whether or not you’re a parent, you’re undoubtedly being observed and modeled in some capacity by someone. Whether you like it or not, you’re a teacher – a leader – every day.
So what life lessons do you most hope to impart? What values do you want to instill in those who look to you for guidance? What legacy do you want to leave behind?
Think back on your life, remembering what your father taught you (whether he meant to or not). What kind of dad is or was he? What is or was important to him? And how did he express that? Or what – in a perfect world – would you have liked to have learned or received from him that perhaps you didn’t? And how are you making that a priority in your role as a parent – or care giver, older sibling, mentor or friend?
As I pondered these questions myself, I asked a few friends about their own thoughts and priorities, and here are a few responses:
Short and sweet from my brother-in-law, David Johnson:
“My dad taught me honesty, kindness, patience, and how to be excited by the natural world.”
Fatherly advice from my friend Lisa Bjornson Wolf:
“Remember, daughter, that there will always be someone more gorgeous with more money or talent or brains. You can make yourself crazy turning your life into a beauty contest, or you can vow to do the very best you can with all you’ve got. This is what happy people do.”
A story from my own dad:
My dad taught me that “no one can defeat you but yourself… you can be anything you want to be – just never give up.” He told me the following story – a lesson which I am still trying to heed as well as teach my own children.
“Senior year in high school, my advisor called me in to give me ‘sage and cogent advice’ about my future. He asked, ‘Where do you want to go to college and what do you want to do with your life?’ I answered, ‘I want to go to Yale and I want to go to medical school after that to become a surgeon.’ And my advisor said ‘You’re not smart enough to get into Yale, you’ll never make it in medical school, and surgery is the hardest part of medicine. Lower your aim a bit.’”
“I came back for my 5th reunion after graduation and ran into my former advisor, who asked me ‘oh, whatever happened to you?’ I answered ‘Well, sir, I graduated from Yale and now I’m in medical school at Columbia.’
“At my 10th reunion he said, ‘Hello, George! What are you up to these days?’ to which I replied, ‘Well, sir, I graduated from medical school and now I’m in surgical residency.’
“And at my 15th reunion when he asked, I replied ‘I’ve completed my residency and now I’m a surgeon in the United States Navy.’
“And two weeks before my 20th reunion, he called me up on the phone to personally ask me to operate on him for colon cancer.”
Hearing that story of my dad’s always inspires me, and reminds me of a quote by Goethe… “Magic is believing in yourself; if you can do that, you can make anything happen.”
I’ll leave you with Ten Life Lessons that my friend Stephanie Moore learned from her father – she calls them “Dadisms”….
1. Cultivate lifelong friendships. Don’t worry about being in with a “crowd.” Crowds do not last but good friends will. God gave you five fingers per hand to count your five good friends. Use those fingers wisely, being a friend is important.
2. Do the best job you can no matter what the task. People will know your work is good. (My dad stacked cans at a grocery store through college — his aisles were always perfect).
3. When you are starting something new, for the first year put your head down and work hard. People only listen after you have proven your merit.
4. Education can never be taken from you. It doesn’t burn in a fire, it doesn’t expire, and it will never fail you. It’s a great investment of your time.
5. If you sleep with the dogs, you wake up with fleas. In other words, be careful of the crowd you associate with — you will be judged by your company.
6. Serve others and think of those with less fortune than you have. It will keep you grounded and always pointed in the right direction.
7. Make time for fun. Enjoy your time here on this earth.
8. People will talk about you and judge you. No matter, you have to see yourself in the mirror every day and live with that reflection. Remember that.”
9. Your riches are compassion, empathy and love. Not cars, homes and bank accounts.
10. Remember: plaid and stripes go together. Dare to be different, otherwise there is no adventure in your life. Life is for living loudly!
So, if you’re committed enough to have read this far, here’s my challenge to you! As you lay in bed tonight, ponder the life lessons you’ve learned from your own father (or mother, mentor or teacher) and write down the five that are most important to you. Ask yourself “Am I living by these values? Am I teaching them with integrity? Do I basically say ‘do as I say not as I do’? Or am I truly walking the walk?
Remember, whether you like it or not, whether you’re a parent or not, you’re a teacher – now and forever. And it’s one of the most important jobs you’ll ever do.
